I used to do these kinds of posts every so often on the old blog. It started with funny looking baseball cards, then album covers, then old ads, then these kinds of collections of silly products. I loved doing them because they were easy – just find some photos, do the little jokes, and you’re done in like 5 minutes.
I figured why not try one here, right? Some of these are genuinely funny without my little comment ruining it every time, so ignore that shit if need be and just gawk at the Shitto or the ShitBegone, the Terror or the Pee if you’re thirsty too. Again I’ not gonna edit the original text in this thing. I need to learn my lesson and this is the only way. That pharmacist said not to come back without a valid form of cash, so I’m fucked there too. I now hand the mic to that increasingly deluded idiot, my own self, 2015 style, with the teeth still. Here he is:
OK, it’s been a while since we’ve done one of these, and it seems that a little inanity, a few laughs, might just do us all good. Or not. The truth is that I don’t have a whole lot of time today, nor a topic bubbling up towards the slurry of trans-fats that comprise my brain, so I’m taking the easy way out. A simple Google image search, some saving of images, and away we go!
As far as I know, these are all real products. Some are from foreign lands, but that doesn’t really take anything away from the funny, at least for me. English is nearly universal now, so they should know better, right? The fact that they don’t makes days like this possible.
The Heinz red zone takes on a whole new meaning when this is considered:
Could be, but maybe not. Buy some and find out!
One too many O’s spells disturbing:
The secondary descriptors here are the best part. Exotic! Roasted!
And then you have the ultimate:
This one’s just silly, right? I hope so. Yikes.
Better lighten the mood with some pasta after that one:
It’s only good if its purity can be verified. I believe!
There can never be enough, am I right gals?
So many ways this could be taken, none of them good:
One of the most easily found items, probably in a market near you!
I’d rather not even ponder the origins of this one:
In Ghana, if you ask for a cola, stand back:
This one appears to be real. No idea what the deal is here:
The wavy lines here are disturbing:
But it probably doesn’t… Or maybe it does:
Colorful drinks should not be scary:
Hey, they’re minty, right? It could work!
This one’s very commonly seen too, like that cock soup. Hotly spiced!
Which could lead to this, our only non-food product:
Not to give other bodily functions short shrift:
Or, even less appetizingly:
We’ll close this out, without even using the entire collected batch, with one that should be near and dear to at least one person here:
That’s all folks! If you can’t be nice, be indifferent, huh?
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I’ll throw in a tune too, but a different one, not the Elvis Costello tune originally embedded on the tumblr blog in 2015. This needs something sillier, so here’s NRBQ, a band that never really got big enough to play above the bar circuit despite being around for over 50 years. That helps explain their intimate familiarity with the motels so cheap that the doors open to the outdoors, something I always associate with Red Roof Inns, one of the lowest on the cheap motel quality scale.
See, back in the early 2000s I was blessed with a job that not only paid pretty good but had this amazing rotating schedule which gave everyone 5 days off every 4th week. That allowed me to travel to Rochester every 5-day, as we called it, and we’d stay in a hotel, even some fancy ones, and the do whatever she wanted, for days! She being my daughter, not yet old enough to have been brainwashed by her mom and the rest of my alleged family and as cute as any 5-9 year old could possibly be. We had memberships to the two local museums she loved, both the Srong Museum of play, which was crazy busy on a Saturday, a madhouse! She loved it! I stood around and watched, tried to stay calm amidst the chaos.
The other membership was with the Rochester Museum and Science Center, which also had the Strasenberg Planetarium, which we went to most often. That place has been part of my own memories since field trips in grade school. I loved it then and still do, and so did Ellie. I imagine she still does but I’m not talking to her yet. I need to pay off her student debt before I’ll be seen as anything but what her mom has painted me as, the specifics of which I can only guess at.
I really shouldn’t even be mentioning her or the ex. They, the ex, didn’t like being mentioned occasionally on the old blog, and that’s fair. I don’t need to do that so I try to avoid thinking about what was once another family that ultimately threw me away. That’s my take and it’s just as valid as whatever garbage has been fed to our daughter by the ex. She should know better is my last word here on that.
Anyway, enjoy NRBQ doing one of their better wacky originals, from one of their last great albums. We can all empathize with the fellas here, right? Nobody likes that early knock on the door so they can do their cleaning, especially a sleepy band that likely got to bed at like 4. That 8-9am knock can make for a sub-optimal start to one’s day…
It’s great musically too, not just the fun lyrics. I love the little quiet parts where Joey’s singin’ so pretty. One of the great rock voices nobody knows. Right up there with Lennon and John Sebastian for me. This iteration of the band had his brother Johnny on guitar and vocals replacing Big Al, who was busy in Nashville writing songs for the hat acts. I honestly believe that NRBQ is as great rock band as has ever existed, but I’m weird. I’ve accepted that and am happy about it, so please, no medical interventions. I’ve had more than my share of those, with more to come no doubt as I decay.
That’s all folks! I’m bored here as I wait for music to download, so I went through the tumblr archive and picked an easy one. Just had to copy all the photos, then put ’em in the right places, and boom! Done in 4-5 minutes. All the original comedy still holds up, right? You’d tell me, wouldn’t you? Hellooooo….
Alright, be like that. I got food to eat, smokes to smoke, sleep to sleep. Adieu, and shoes for industry! Dear friends…
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